People we (don't) meet

I just finished this book (omg who is she?!) after being pressured daily by friends because the movie from that same book recently got released on Netflix. They wanted to watch it together but I thought it would be a good goal to finish the book first and see the movie after, because from now on I am a literary and sophisticated person

I really do want to try and make it a new habit to read more, even if they are the romantic (smut) summer vacation kind and not the more intricate English Literature kind (although Jacob Elordi really convinced me to read Wuthering heights). They just seem to be a good start for me, so that eventually I will be able to read those big trilogy fantasy books people keep raving about.

If you would have more recommendations of stuff for me to read (like "The love hypothesis" or "People we meet on vacation") let me know in the comments! :)

Those kind of reads are very dangerous for me though. That kind of love that is portrayed sounds really good and makes me want to experience it but I also do know that it usually is fictional and not likely to happen in real life. People still might try to convince me otherwise, and I'm sure it does happen for some people but I haven't experienced a fraction of it and it does make it harder for me to believe in the whole "true love" thing.

I really don't want to sound so depressing but when I think of all my past experiences it's just hard to still believe, and you would maybe also feel the same way. I may have talked about this before but when I was younger I did believe in true love and love at first sight, but just like Peter Pan; the older I get the less I believe haha!

In our generation the whole dating scene is such a weird and unreachable thing. And dating apps for sure didn't help with all that, they probably even caused the problem.

Dating apps like Tinder or Bumble or Hinge changed a lot for many people as it is an easier way to approach someone and say stuff you wouldn't necessarily dare to say out loud in real life to someone. It also created this comfort zone as you didn't have to go out anymore to meet people, you could just stay in your own bedroom and talk to anyone you wanted to. I have to be honest that that aspect was the reason I enjoyed the apps, and why I have been on them since I was 17. There were no strings attached and the person on the other side of the screen wasn't a real person until I met them in real life (I never did though, I was always too scared!)

The saddest thing for me is that it changed my perspective on dates and the concept of love.

One night I remember playing a game with friends at a bar. Instead of playing "never have I ever" I once came up with these "Vogue questions", just like the Vogue videos with a celebrity where they ask 75 questions in 10 minutes or so. The questions they ask are usually pretty random and/or very specific. A couple of years ago I came up with the concept of doing it with friends to be able to ask questions that can be hard to introduce in a conversation. Usually I'm coming up with the questions though, as others aren't that inspirational to find one haha. It's a fun and different way to play never have I ever.

That night my first question was "what is something you regret doing or not doing during the past 10 years?" And while everyone was answering, I was thinking of what I would answer myself. And I realised that what I regretted the most was being on dating apps for as long as I remember. Looking back on it now things might have happened in a different way if I didn't rely on dating apps as much. I might've not met as many people as I did, especially when I was traveling in South-Korea, but my perspective on dating and love has definitely altered because of it. Still now.

I was texting someone recently that I had learned to know from Bumble. He was good looking (he had a moustache so right up my alley), and he ended up being sweet as well. It was hard for me to believe that he was actually sweet as he was giving bad "fuck boy" vibes, but he did actually say pretty nice and sweet things to me.

He wasn't a big texter and I am (If you didn't know that yet) so I did have to have a little patience with him. I kept texting him while waiting for his response (I don't care about the rules of double or even triple texting hihi). I think I even quite explicitly asked him to give me attention. And he did.. for a week....

By the way, I did ask him somewhere in the conversation if it bothered him that I was texting so much and he said it didn't, he even said that he likes it and that I should stalk him more with messages. He liked a highlighted story of mine from 2021, which at that point I thought was still very endearing, and that also made me feel like it didn't matter what I was texting him.

When he didn't answer for a while I would still overload his instagram with reels and voice messages where I talk about how my day went. And after 3 days of no response I did ask him if he still wanted to meet up, to which he eventually responded that he did, and that he wanted to do it in the right way (what a relief!) He wanted us to take our time and to do an actual date where he would make me dinner and he would come and get me at the train station.

You can guess that I felt some excitement (some may call it butterflies) about having an actual date with someone I found attractive. For lots it may seem like the bare minimum but as you can derive from my earlier blogs, I'm not used to that cute romantic date stuff.

To give some perspective this all happened three weeks ago. It was going pretty fast, especially because I realised he didn't mind my "lovebombing", and he ended up doing the same with his sweet words. In the conversations we had, I tried making him clear that I did have some bad experiences before and that it explains why I am a little hesitant to meet up with people (guys) in the beginning. I don't want the same things to happen over again, and I really don't want to end up disappointed and hurt. But I'm guessing this is the thing that I should stop doing? It probably gives a sign of insecurity which is never an attractive aspect to the other person. But then again, I do want to be fully honest and explain that I have been hurt before and that I would prefer for that to not happen again.

And even then I feel like I'm asking for the bare minimum; I don't want a One Night Stand and to not ghost me right after we would see each other. All the responses have always been the same when I would explain this; "Noo, of course not! I would never do that, I'm not like the others." And this new guy even upped it by saying "I want to take care of you, even more now that I know how you have been treated before. You deserve to be pampered! <3"

Well jokes on me I guess!..

Saturday night he suggested to meet up on Monday night when I was done working. I would have to take the train to his place but he would cook for me so the voyage would be worth it. He was free during the day so he would have the time to cook a decent meal, and he even proposed to come and get me from the station (he would also drop me again at the station the next day before he would head off to work). So he had clearly thought this through right? He made a whole plan and was thinking of everything. It was with a sleepover but I did tell him I didn't want to go too fast, just so he would know not to expect too much.

We continued talking about the plan on Sunday, both still very positive about it all, I did tell him I was anxious but I also really wanted to meet him. He told me I didn't have to be , and he again told me that he really wanted to take care of me and show me how someone is supposed to be taken care of. He didn't answer my last text where I asked him what train station I should go to for him to pick me up, but it was already pretty late so I figured he had gone to bed. I had to work the Monday and was waiting for his answer, in the afternoon still nothing so I asked him again. When I was done working at 5pm I realised I still hadn't heard from him and I didn't know where to go or what to do. I still texted him saying that I would be eating home because I didn't want to wait anymore. Which was a sad thing to realise because I was actually really looking forward to seeing him and spending time together.

At 9 I send him a voice message saying I was deeply disappointed and that it's just straight up disrespectful to not say anything anymore. He could've at least let me know that he didn't have time anymore or didn't want to meet up anymore.

After 4 days I didn't care what he would think of me and kept asking him if he would ever answer my texts or just keep watching my stories? He was clearly online and still decided to not answer me.

On day 6 I texted him at night saying I still have to think about him.

"Is it? in what way do you think about me? Only at night?"

I got a rush of different emotions. I was happy that he finally answered me, but so angry that he skipped all my previous angry messages, and that he was answering in a sexual way. The most powerful feeling of it all was betrayal. It was clear he had read all my previous messages but actively decided not to answer them, and when he did decide to answer it was on a message he could make sexual, as if at that point that was the only thing I was thinking about??

It might seem misleading as I did text him that at 2 in the morning, but I actually did have to think about him as I just didn't know why he was gone, I just wanted some answers on to why I was being ghosted again, after we had made plans for a date.

We did talk about it a bit and he did apologise but it was for a pretty lame reason. I let it slide for that time, we talked again for a bit and we did make plans (kinda) to have the same date that didn't go through the previous Monday. I even made the joke that if he wouldn't text me the next day, he shouldn't expect a message from me. He laughed and understood.

Haven't heard from him since.

It was all a big joke I guess. :')

I do believe that in the end he wasn't a right fit for me as the communication was already going so bad. At this point I can also look back at this and laugh about it but I do have to admit that it hurt me and it did hurt my confidence as well. It's disappointing to know that someone ghosted me again, without an actual reason, or at least I don't know the reason. And I do wish it wouldn't affect me that much, but obviously it's something that sticks and stays for the following experiences. The following guy for sure has his work cut out for him !!

And as Ariana would say; Thank u, next!

Bisous,

Lise