mirror mirror on the wall

I just started watching Sex and the city , the series, again. It is interesting to see the changes that have happened since the '90s , but also the things that haven't really changed..

I'm at an episode where Carrie is writing about the "Modelisers"; the men who only date models. And how it is impossible for "normal" women to date men because they feel like they're being compared to those models all the time.

I'm not saying I have this issue, but it's a very recurring thing, thoughts that I think a lot of us (man and woman) still have. With social media showing us impossible and all-the-time changing beauty standards, it feels impossible to follow all those trends.

I am finally at a stage in life where I can feel comfortable with myself. I am a curvy young woman and it's not always easy but I do feel like I have grown a lot in the way I see myself. It was not easy growing up while changing schools and cities; it was coming out of my comfort zone (primary school) and coming out into the big world (secundary school).

I had bullies, I had crushes not being reciprocated, I had way too short hair,.. it was kind of a shit show, but the worst feeling was that all of of it felt like it was just because I was fat!..

Even with the bestest friends and family around me who fill my heart with love and joy now, there is always this one tiny feeling that is always present. The kind of feeling that always is going to point out that I am a little different than most people. That I eat more, that there are some type of clothes that don't fit me, or some stores where I just know that nothing is going to fit me.

(This is BTW something I want to point out, maybe more in detail in another blog but what the fuck is up with the fashion industry just NOT making bigger sizes?! Why do you only have S and XS in stores but never a L or XL? or even XXL while we're at it! Or why does ONE SIZE even exist? do you think all humans on this planet earth are going to fit into that one shirt? I don't think so! This also goes for shoes, I'm sorry I have big feet but there's not really something I can do about that, can we please make shoes that are bigger than size 41? I would like to wear something different than unisex sneakers thank you very much.)

I know that there are people out there who will have the same thoughts as me but who will look totally different than me. I know that we all have our own kind of insecurities; I am sharing mine because I know I am not the only one with those feelings and frustrations, and maybe I am hoping that it might open conversations for others.

I am learning each day to love myself a little bit more, some days are harder than others, but I know I will get there one day. And i'm sure you will too!

Bisous,

Lise